Magical Jeopardy-The Horror.......
by ChaffonGal
Summary: This is Jeopardy at its best-SNL style! The first contestants are: Harry, Ron, and Sirius.......ooh the fun! Its funny! CH. 2 NOW UP! So read! And Review!
1. The Start of Hell

Oh god…..the madness…..this is what happens when I watch episodes of Saturday Night Lives Jeopardy skit…..I simply HAD to do this one……..lol!!!! Read and review! Enjoy!!!  
  
Dedicated to: SarWolf Snape! The Remus to my Sirius! She rocks!  
  
Disclaimer: None of these are mine……..lets leave it at that.  
  
Snape: And welcome back to Magical Jeopardy. Again, I would like to apologize to all deaf people and children for what happened before the commercial break. The scores stand as follows. Ron Weasley with a new Jeopardy record of –$222,545.  
  
Ron: Thank you Severus, this money is really going to help my family.  
  
Severus: Weasley…….you haven't won anything……..  
  
Ron: Thanks again Severus  
  
Severus: And were subtracting another 1000 dollars for utter stupidity.  
  
Ron: WOOOH! YES!  
  
Severus shakes his head and turns to the next contestant: Sirius Black coming in not much better then Weasley, with -$156,500 dollars.  
  
Sirius: So……we meet again Snape. I noticed you were having trouble sitting down during the commercial break, whats the matter sweetie, did you have a date last night?  
  
Severus glares at Sirius: Moving on……..our last contestant, in first place with 8 dollars, Harry Potter.  
  
Harry: I'm the boy who lived you know  
  
Severus: We know……what I don't know is how you could get a score of 8 dollars in jeopardy.  
  
Harry: What is the Boy who lived, defeated Voldemort 4 times. I'm a hero. Do I win?  
  
Severus: No. You lose. Utterly. In fact, you should just kill yourself for your failure.  
  
Harry: So…….I win?  
  
Severus sighs and goes back to his podium: The categories for Double Jeopardy are: Household Objects, Things that rhyme with Feet, A Petit' Dejunaer, (He turns to the contestants) that's French, so we'll just skip it.  
  
Sirius: I know some French, fuck off, pardon my French. Haha!  
  
Severus: I hate you. (He turns back to the categories) Colors that rhyme with Urple, Is this a hat?, Don't Do Anything, and Letter or Number? Since Mr. Potter is in first place we'll start with him.  
  
Harry: I'll take Famous People Who Defeated You-Know-Who for 300  
  
Severus: That isn't a category.  
  
Harry: All right, sorry, then I'll take Famous People Who Defeated You-Know- Who for 400.  
  
Severus: Lets just go with Colors that rhyme with Urple for 300. Answer is: This color rhymes with Urple  
  
Ron buzzes in: Light Urple?  
  
Severus: No, that's incorrect.  
  
(Silence)  
  
(Beep beep!)  
  
Severus: Mr. Weasley, you answered last, pick a category.  
  
Ron: Ill take Ape tit for 200  
  
Severus: That's A Petit De- never mind! Lets go with Letter or Number for 800. Answer: 2.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Severus: The number 2. Is it a letter or a number?  
  
(Silence)  
  
(Beep Beep!)  
  
Severus: And Magical Jeopardy has just reached a new low. Lets go with Don't Do Anything for 1000. All you have to do is do nothing, don't even buzz in, and you win.  
  
Ron buzzes in  
  
Severus: Mr. Weasley you lost!  
  
Ron: (Blank Stare)  
  
Severus: Well at least the other two contest-  
  
(Harry Buzzes in)  
  
Severus: Why did you do that!?  
  
Harry: Because that sound reminds me of Hedwig, its lovely isn't it?  
  
Severus: Congratulations Mr. Black you have-  
  
Sirius buzzes in  
  
Severus: Why did you do that?! You just lost!  
  
Sirius laughing: Because I hate you Snape  
  
Severus: Lets just go to final Jeopardy. Category is-You know what? Forget it, just make up and answer your own question, that's it. Doesn't matter what it is, there's no way you can't get this right. (Jeopardy music starts playing as contestants write)  
  
(Music ends)  
  
Severus: Just for the sake of tradition lets see what they wrote. (He walks over to Ron whose podium has disappeared) Mr. Weasley wrote……your podiums gone, how could you lose a podium?! Dear god………moving on……Mr. Potter wrote "What sound does a doggy make?" Very good, and he answered "????" You couldn't answer your own question!?  
  
Harry: It was hard…..  
  
Severus shakes his head and walks over to Sirius: I shudder to ask, but what did you write? "Who is Craven Morehead?"  
  
Sirius: Apparently you are!  
  
Severus shakes his head: And that concludes this edition of Magical Jeopardy, I'm going to go home now and put a gun in my mouth. Good night. 


	2. The Insane Come Home

WEEE! Second edition! Hope you like!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and Meg, sorry about not having Lockhart or Dobby in this one, I'll save that for the third chapter (!!! Hope you like this one though (!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own em!  
  
Dedication: SarWolf Snape! She is totally Roxn! Read her stuff!  
  
Snape: Welcome back to Magical Jeopardy. It's been an exciting first round, that being said lets look at the scores. Sirius Black is in second place with –$16,675.  
  
Sirius: Damn you and your daily doubles! One day it'll be my turn Snape!  
  
Snape: Great. Fred Weasley in the lead with $0  
  
Fred Weasley points to the front of the podium: Haha! Hey, look what I did.  
  
The name on the podium reads Stu Padasso  
  
Snape: Mr. Weasley has apparently changed his name to Stu Padasso  
  
Fred: Yeah, haha, Stu Padasso, it's a funny name.  
  
Snape: Whatever……finally, we have Lucius Malfoy in last place with -$45,210  
  
Lucius is too busy playing with his buzzer to reply  
  
Snape: Now its time for double jeopardy, and for this round Id like to please remind the contestants, no cursing. Lets take a look at the board. The categories are: Words that rhyme with Dog, Numbers, "S" Words, Months that begin with "Feb", Famous Albus Dumbledores, Famous Titles, Foods that end in 'Amburger, and The Number Ten. Mr. Weasley, your in the lead, pick a category.  
  
Fred: That's not my name.  
  
Snape sighs: Stu Padasso  
  
Fred: Hehehe, yeah, what do you want?  
  
Snape: Pick a category  
  
Fred: Nah, Ill pass  
  
Snape: Ok, then Lucius, you pick a category  
  
Lucius presses his buzzer continuously: Hahaha!  
  
Snape: Ooookkkkkk……..Mr. Black, why don't you pick?  
  
Sirius: Ah, well met, I'll take months that start with Feb, Snape.'  
  
Snape: For how much?  
  
Sirius: Surprise me you filthy bastard.  
  
Snape: That was totally uncalled for. Months that start with Feb for 800. "This is the only month that starts with Feb."  
  
Sirius buzzes in: What is Febtober?  
  
Snape: No.  
  
Lucius buzzes in: What is Febterday?  
  
Snape: No  
  
Fred: HAHAHA! He said Turd!  
  
Snape: The answer was February, that is the only month that starts with Feb.  
  
Sirius: Ah hah! A trick question!  
  
Snape: Yeah. It was a trick question Mr. Black. Lucius, it's your board, so I'll pick a category for you. Lets have Words that rhyme with Dog for 200. "Ive had a hard day, I'm gonna sleep like a what?"  
  
Lucius buzzes in: A Chinese whore.  
  
Snape: That is incorrect.  
  
Sirius buzzes in: Chinese whore doesn't rhyme with Dog  
  
Snape: That's why it was wrong. Mr. Black, you pick.  
  
Sirius: The day is mine! I'll take Famous Titties for 400  
  
Snape: That's Famous Titles, not Titties Mr. Black  
  
Sirius: Damn!  
  
Snape: Answer is: "The title of this play came from the book "The Phantom of the Opera".  
  
Sirius buzzes in: Dolly Parton!  
  
Snape: Again, this is Famous Titles, not Titties.  
  
Sirius: Not a fan of the ladies are you Snape?  
  
Snape: Someone else PLEASE  
  
Lucius buzzes in and proceeds to stare at his buzzer in wonder grinning idiotically  
  
Snape: The answer was "The Phantom of the Opera"….. Lets go to The Number 10 for 800. I may want to remind you that every answer in this category is 10. Just say 10 as soon as I'm done talking. Answer is: "This is how many fingers you have".  
  
Fred buzzes in: 5?  
  
Snape: No.  
  
Fred starts cussing inventively  
  
Snape: The answer was 10. You have 10 fingers.  
  
Sirius: Ill show you a finger Snape.  
  
Snape: Lets just go to Final Jeopardy now, this should be a lot of fun. The category is: Foreign Parlimant……oh wait, that's my bad, that one is for regular Jeopardy which we are taping later today. Your category is: Where are you right now? All you have to do is tell me where you are right now? (Jeopardy music starts to play) You can write a game show, England, Earth, or even the word here. None of you should get this wrong. (Music stops. Snape goes to the contestants podiums) Lets get this over with. Mr. Weasley, wrote……..what appear to be half the outline of his hand. And he wagered……the other half of his hand. Moving on (Snape goes to Lucius podium, but Lucius isn't there) Lucius…….appears to have wandered off somewhere…….if we could get security to search the building please, thanks. Lets see what Mr. Black wrote: Buck. Well, I guess that's your wager, a buck, and your answer: "Futter". Buck Futter. I don't get it…..  
  
Sirius: Oh, I think you do Snape, I think you do indeed.  
  
Snape: Well, that concludes this episode of Magical Jeopardy—  
  
Sirius: BUCK FUTTER!  
  
Snape: Good night…….I don't know……  
  
A/N: Well? You like? Review then!!!!!! 


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